There's two things that immediately jump out to me when singing this:
- The pitches are very confusing. I think they are actually mostly correct (at least within a semitone, ie Medium), However, maybe I'm singing it wrong, but sometimes it seems things are an octave too high or too low. For example, in the second sentence, "off the" is probably an A, but shouldn't it be lower than "cliff?" instead of higher? There's many occurences of this throughout the song
- There's a fair amount of notes that should either be split, or at the very least, the syllables aren't the same tone. Examples of what I meant are "time" in sentence 13 "One more time" (part of "ti" feels like A#, not A) or "soaring high" in sentence 30 "The black blur soaring high"
Especially the first one makes it
incredibly hard (for me) to sing this one. I'd have to try singing it without looking at the screen, maybe I'll do better then.
There's also some places where
probably both are happening at the same time, for example the "Well" in sentence 42 "Your friendly neighbour Mare Do Well" (I'd need to dig more into it, but it sounds like A#, not B, and it's definitely below the "Do" C)
I can't really comment on the timings, I don't feel like I'm losing massive amounts of points on them, but I lose so much due to point 1 anyway that it's hard to quantify.